When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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