we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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