tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
