Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
