its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
