my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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