I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I forget how to act sober
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
