I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize