I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
