I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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