had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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