To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
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