You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
