and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
