Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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