Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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