so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
