just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
