is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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