the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
