Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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