in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
