I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
