Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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