I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
