this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
