I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
