We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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