Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
