yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
