I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
