It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
