once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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