did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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