...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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