Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
