Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Non-Jews are for practice
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
