I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
