She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
