tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I would ride that face into the sunset
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
