Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
