I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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