Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
