I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
