My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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