dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
