There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
