I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pants are for mortals
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