I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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