I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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