I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
