We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
