She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
