She is in my trunk
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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