Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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