i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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