i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Randomize
