I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
