I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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