1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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