she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
