I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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