I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
