So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
