theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
