I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I could fuck to npr.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
